Bulletproof

An Honest Life Update

Goooood morning/evening/afternoon/midnight/day, mate! I can't believe it's already been four months since I started this blog. We're through the first quarter, baby!

I know school lets out in just a few more weeks, and I've got SO many exciting things planned for the summer (check back in two weeks to find out what!) so I wanted to take the time to give you an update on what I've been doing outside of the blog, and let you get to know me a little better.

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Writing

As I write this, I am three-quarters through my second rewrite of a novel - the third in my fantasy adventure series. This book is so much fun! I've basically taken my seafaring characters and landlocked them in a Nordic/Germanic fantasy country over Christmas. This story is full of sweet horses, icy canals for skating, waist-deep snow, cozy evenings by the fireplace, glittering evergreen trees, Christmas magic, and sausage. I'm not sure how much I should say, but I can't wait for you to meet these characters once I get their first book out!

Speaking of, I've spent the last year rethinking my publishing strategy. I did have one agent interested in reading my debut manuscript about this time last year, but I never heard back - which I can only guess was due to my lack of a platform at the time. Since then, I've done some more edits on that manuscript and sent it to a friend for extra scrutiny.

In the meantime, I'm here! It's so much fun to connect with you in this way, and someday (soon, I hope) you'll see posts coming out about a book launch. So spread the word! Get all your writer and reader buddies aboard. I so appreciate your kindness and support, and I'm filled with gratitude as I watch this crew grow. We're on our way!

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Farm Life

This little corner of the plains is teeming with growth, even in the midst of our typically volatile spring. The pasture is almost green again, the trees are budding out, and the fields are rich with young crops. My dad - and his dad - grew up farming the ground just a few miles from where we live now. While my family doesn't farm for a living, we still love the land around us and we try to look after it the best we can.

My little flock of wool sheep lost one member this March - a ewe with a scarred mouth, who we'd been babying since she was born five years ago. This winter was so hard on her, and she just couldn't bounce back. But a month later, our first lamb of the season was born! We have two ram lambs hopping around now, and there is still one ewe left to go. I'm hoping for twins, but we'll see.

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Theatre Business

I'm a theatre nut. While I was never in a high school musical (homeschooled, remember) and I haven't memorized EVERY show that's EVER been on Broadway, I am in love with the way stories can be told through theatre. I've tinkered with scripts on and off since I was old enough to write. Since 2021 I've been going after it more seriously, creating dramatic shows in a concert-like format for my community.

Over the last three years, I've auditioned for a theatre conservatory three different times, and been rejected all three times. Before I graduated high school, I was adamant that this was where I needed to be; now, the signs are indicating that it's time to move on.

It's a hard pill to swallow. Part of me wonders why God would lead me toward that conservatory only to have me make a U-turn three rejections later. I've been through so much emotional turmoil over this, and my family with me. Was all of that worth nothing?

In my finite state, the only reason I can come up with is this: Though that school may not be for me, working for it helped me refine the best of my skills much faster than I might have otherwise. Maybe it's God's will that I join with other artists in my community to create something beautiful, instead of trying to strike out on my own.

If the last three years have taught me nothing else, I have learned to trust God's plan and timing and rest in my Savior's love. His approval is the only approval I need.

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The point of this is so I can be honest with you. I want to share some of my experiences - not so you'll feel sorry for me, but my prayer is that you read this and think, 'If she could get through that, so can I'.

Over the course of many disappointments with theatre, publishing, and losing precious creatures, I've wrestled with the temptation to let bitterness overtake me altogether. Sometimes anger gets the best of me and I go into a vicious circle of hating the system, hating the world, and even hating myself for my inadequacy. I feel like I need to be cold and heartless - bulletproof, as it were - just to survive.

But that's not really who I am, and sometimes it drives me crazy.

Rejection is going to happen. It gets a little easier every time - not much, but a little - and I honestly can't tell you if that's good or bad. You can either move on with spite, or move on with grace, and there's a fine line between them.

So yes, I am becoming bulletproof in a way. Not by deciding to hate everything and bulldoze anyone who gets in my way, but there is something extremely peaceful about getting close to a balance between optimism and acceptance. The more trust I put in the God who gives good things, rather than in the good things themselves, the less devastated I am when things don't go the way I'd hoped.

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Okay, I know that was a lot of information. In case my point was veiled in my ramblings, what I want you to take away is this: Everyone has a different story. We've all been through stuff. But if I can be an inspiration to you in any way, if you find something in my words that ignites a passion for writing for Jesus in your heart, then I've done my job.

My prayers be with you on your writing journey, mate.

- Lydia