Hayseeds In The City

Pilot Episode

Aight. Here's the deal.

We (my immediate family) have been calling ourselves 'hayseeds in the city' for a good while now. We live in a rural area, but we end up in metropolitanville more often than any of us care to admit.

Now, after several misadventures, escapades, and near-catastrophes (mostly due to our lovable bumpkin nature), we've agreed that some stories are too good to leave unshared.

Lucky you! In between author content and slow-living reflections, I will relate - in episode-like form - some of our thrilling (and embarrassing) encounters with the urban world, all for your personal enjoyment. So here we go!

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My family and I are small-town folks. Our house is surrounded by cornfields on one side and pasture everywhere else.

BUT we live within five miles of an Interstate, and a couple of hours' driving on that Interstate will take you to some of the biggest cities on the High Plains. And lemme tell you . . .

It's a whole different can of beans over there.

It was a cold, blustery winter morning as Pa Hayseed and I drove into town. The sun was barely awake, let alone out of bed. In the early morning fog, we watched multiple vehicles - including a garbage truck and a minivan - slide all over the road, struggling to find and stay in a lane through the middle of town.

At last, we pulled into Papa Hayseed's (not to be confused with Pa Hayseed) driveway. Papa Hayseed had a doctor's appointment out of town. Pa had volunteered to drive him there and back, which is why I came along to play musical chairs with cars.

As I backed out of Papa Hayseed's driveway, having successfully dropped Pa off, I got a real good idea of just how slick everything was.

A real good idea.

I headed home on the back roads. Meanwhile, Pa and Papa Hayseed reached the front range. Cousin Hayseed sat in the back seat, tagging along for better or worse. Morning rush hour was well underway.

All at once, Papa Hayseed remembered he had to put some medication on his shoulder.

Sitting up straight in the passenger seat, right in the middle of the big city, he popped open the snaps of his western shirt and started fiddling with the medication patch.

"Uh, whatcha doin, Dad?" Pa Hayseed asked.

"Oh, I gotta get this on before we get there."

"Okay, well - no, that's the wrong side. You take off the green and white firs- no, not the backing, the green - here."

Gripping the steering wheel with one hand and keeping an eye on traffic - heavy traffic, by the way, especially for a Hayseed - Pa reached over to help.

Well, I can only guess how the rest of that went, but they made it to the hospital in one piece. According to Pa Hayseed, the parking lot was just as icy as everything else, so he pulled up to the door to let Cousin and Papa Hayseed out of the car.

"You go on in and wait for me inside the door," Pa said. "I'll park the car and meet you there."

A Few Moments Later...

Pa Hayseed walked through the sliding doors to find Cousin Hayseed standing in the lobby, by himself, hands on his hips.

Pa looked around. No Papa Hayseed. "Where'd he go?"

Cousin Hayseed sighed and pointed at the ceiling.

"He's already upstairs."

A not-so-quick elevator ride and several inquiries later, Pa and Cousin Hayseed found Papa Hayseed working on checking himself in. The gal at the desk shot them all a confused - and probably concerned - look.

"Um, you actually need to go back downstairs," she explained.

"What for?"

"You'll have to check in at the main desk."

Papa, Pa, and Cousin Hayseed exchanged glances.

"Oh."

As far as I know, the rest of the day went down pretty uneventfully. When it was all mostly said and done, Pa and Cousin Hayseed met Aunt Hayseed for lunch. The way I understand it, while they sat there munching on sandwiches, Cousin looked at Pa and Aunt Hayseed and said (and I quote): "Y'know, you guys are kinda entertaining after all."

Boy, you don't know the half of it.

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As always, if you liked this post and want to see more of Hayseeds in the City, let me know in the comments down below! And if you're new around here, make sure you subscribe so you never miss an update.

Onward!

~ Lydia